Yeah it is that period of thanksgiving again. I go on my Facebook page and I see people expressing thanks to God and how they are grateful for their family and all the wonderful things in their lives.  I went on my Facebook page and tried to pen down my own words of thanks…but could not bring myself to write anything because I realized I was NOT thankful. Sad but true- I did not feel grateful for anything.

Yes my parents are alive; my family is progressing though it is taking more time than we have hoped for. Oh yes…I am able to eat or drink anything I wish for, I have a car to take me to and from work.

Yet I did not feel grateful. Should I feel guilty that I am not grateful for all the things God has given me? I refuse to feel guilty…I refuse to follow the trend even when it does not apply to me just to fool people into thinking that I am grateful. Yes, I have my basic needs to get me going on a daily basis but these are not the things that make me happy. I think I deserve it, I worked hard and I am working harder to make sure I and my family has basic needs. I think I should not be expected to be grateful to have basic needs….what about those that have all the things I ever wanted but never had. Are we not, all of us, Sons and Daughters of God? Why should I be grateful for the little I have while there are others out there being given more than they will ever need? How are they different from me?

The irony is that sometimes you are made to believe that you reap what you sow. But then what did I sow? I am a sinner, not perfect but I am no more bad than people I know who are devils in human clothing…yet they turn to have everything or seem to have everything. I know people who are almost saints by my definition but they turn to have all the ill luck in this world. So tell me again that I reap what I sow.

And before you conclude, I am catholic, I believe in God, I believe only He can change my life but then I turn to wonder why I do not have the things I need. He is the Almighty God; He knows my desire even before I think of them ….then why is He not answering my prayers? Why is He taking such a long time to show me the results I long for? Why? Why?

I keep praying to God …I will keep asking for his blessings because He is all I know. I will keep trying to do the right things until I get to the point where I can say on a thanksgiving day that I am thankful and truly mean it.

Until that day I will not pretend just to follow whatsup!

My thoughts.